Seriously. Why the fuck do I own the complete Twilight saga now due to my overzealous mother in law a) fulfilling her bookclub commitment by ordering the entire – yes again, the entire! – set for me and b) she then tells me that she really liked the books, but that my ceaseless rants about the first book just cracked her up? Oh and apparently she – like me – is convinced that I must own a stack of ‘feel good’ books that make me point my authorly finger at and laugh (yeah, don’t ask…)
Anyway, like I said I apparently do have a problem of the masochistic and brain-destructive sort because I spent definitely too much time of this weekend reading the second installment in the saga of Bella of the Dependent and Angsty Shallowness and Edward of the Godlike Beauty and Sparkliness. Honestly? It ain’t getting any better and by now I seriously doubt to believe that I made it through the book without some good mind-altering drugs… Seriously, this is like the Goodkind-syndrome: at some point you just keep reading and reading to see if it can get any worse.
I mean seriously: of course you’re bound to fall into the Pit of Depression if your oh so protective and good-looking (yeah, never forget to mention his good-looking-ness at least five times per page whenever his name comes up) boyfriend leaves you. Because hey! Teenagers! Angsty and Depressive! Gah!
Anyway if said depression and your main character who still hasn’t developed from her state of utter dependence and girly shallowness trying to find some distraction in her best friend who happens to be a werewolf and also happens to have oh so deep feelings for her, but she’s too emotionally scarred to return them without it feeling like a betrayal….anyway, if that’s the sole purpose of your novel and you then build it around an utter violation of Shakespeare’s perfectly fine Romeo&Juliet…well then you really have a problem.
Ew. Honestly, I’m not quite sure whether to laugh about how bad it was or to cry about all those poor, deluded readers. Yeah, what can I say? I’m a death chooser :p Yay self-destruction by intake of Bad Fiction (TM) Children, do not try this at home!