Brumm! Brumm!

I got my car today (finally) and am way excited since it’s my very first car that I actually own all by myself. It’s a ’97 Pontiac Sunfire and it’s awesome ūüėÄ

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Don’t anger the author! Or: random laptop whacking…

Really, I’m usually quite an easy-going, reasonable person with a rather positive outlook on life. So what if lately¬†life just decides to show me it’s ugly, hairy backside again?¬†Yeah. Not happy. At all. And of course the writing suffers horribly from¬†lack of authorly focus or any kind of consistency let alone quality….

Anyway, it really shouldn’t get¬†bad enough¬†for me to release random¬†irrational and yet very expressive anger¬†on my poor helpless laptop. And yet it did and now I’m all sad and regretful, looking at a¬†cracked, hinge/screen, a result of….yeah….sort of….kind of…throwing the laptop… :S

Yeah, I know I really, really shouldn’t do that, but you know when you’re¬†mad enough to just have to throw something? Anything? And if you’re particularly¬†angered and irrational and the closest ‘anything’ happens to be your most-revered laptop innocently dwelling on your lap….well….

Luckily, Dell is awesome enough to cover this¬†with their¬†complete care accidental damage thingy and I’ll get¬†it all fixed for free. The only downside is that I’ll have to send it in (waiting on the box now) So I’ll be sad and laptop-less (well, dealing with the mediocrity of Stephen’s old laptop) for a while now. Really, really sucky.

But hey in the end it’s my own fault, right? *sigh*

Really need to work on those temper tantrums.

Okay, someone switch off ‘life’ right now and let me get some progress done…

Yes, I seriously hate it. Now I’m having the next couple of chapters all lined out, having some weekend time that I don’t spend at the writers’ conference or with uni work and what happens? Nothing. And everything.

Fact is that currently I’m having so many different things on my mind that writing just gets pushed into the background.This really annoys me since I really made good progress with the second draft so far, but right now uni and private life gloriously fucking up just kind of put a stop to the creative flow. Of course, it would be awesome to use my writing to get my mind off things, but unfortunately that sometimes just doesn’t work (or maybe i’m just in an ultimately whiney mood and just can’t get myself off this personal trip to get some stuff done?)

Yes, I guess this is some sort of priority talk and I have to admit that I’ve really been neglecting my goal of getting at least some work on the novel done every day. I guess sometimes forcing yourself to sit down and get some work done just doesn’t happen (and I really hope that this particular phase of absolute non-creativity and stress will end soon).

I’m at the LUW writing conference right now, just trying to get my head on straight about things again and hope it’ll result in some inspiration and motivation. Like books on writing, classes here are informative and helpful, but the important part is the talking. Talking about books, characters, your own ideas and finding¬† other writers who maybe write in the same genre or generally have some cool ideas.

I’ll post an update on it later on, so yay for at least some blog content and my apologies for all the frustrated ranting.


Apologies for the lack of posts lately. Life’s been a little on the rough and stressful side lately so I just didn’t have the time and energy to focus much on blogging – I’ll work on improving that, promise!

So what’s been happening?

Well, besides the mundane trivia of overly stressful private life, I haven’t been doing a whole lot of writing lately, but at least I’ve got the next few chapters outlined very well as it’s still a total rewrite. So at least there’s mental progress mad in the time that uni and work leave me ūüėČ

Anyway, this weekend I’ll be at the LUW writer’s conference here in Ogden, UT and I’ll let you know how that one’s going. Usually conferences like that are full of shiny inspiration and motivation ūüėÄ

Uh yes, we’re getting renter’s insurance now.

After a day of airing out the apartment and cleaning/washing whatever we could our place now smells like a hooka bar (watermelon-candle plus a good dosage of smoke), but everything is okay so far. We had some electrical problems upstairs and in the end it was probably old wiring and old outlets that caused the fire. Our landlady might end up having to redo all the wiring in the house which would be pricey, but in comparison to what just almost happened last night, it’ll be worth it.

I just saw her sister’s room and took some crappy pictures on my cellphone. Before, it was painted bright green and purple and covered in all kinds of posters, now it looks like this:

There wasn’t anything in there that they could have salvaged. They’ll get a restoration company in there as soon as possible to redo the entire room. Right now they still aren’t allowed to live up there and spent the night at family’s and now will live in a hotel close by for the next couple of days. Fortunately their insurance is paying for everything, clothes etc. but in the end there’s just a lot of stuff that’s simply gone and irreplaceable.

Stephen and me are getting renter’s insurance now in case anything like that ever happens again. I mean even without all our computer and entertainment equipment set aside, there’s thousands of dollars in furniture, books and clothes here that could have been gone all too easily. Pretty scary to think about what might have happened, so I’m glad we’ll be at least somewhat prepared if something like that ever happens again. Oh and the fire department made sure that the smoke detectors are working right too. Small favors I guess.

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I fucking knew it or: tonight our damn house caught on fire.

Okay guys, I don’t know about you, but tonight pretty much eradicated any doubts that I might have had about true dreams. So since my childhood I’ve been having the same recurring dream all over again: I’m at home, on my own and the house starts to burn.

Now call it some anxiety thing, but for whatever reason I always end up in the house, knowing bloody well that it’s about to fucking burn down on me and what do I do? I frantically start grabbing as many of my books as possible trying to get them out, because I know that otherwise they’ll all burn down. Now of course you’re going to tell me how utterly stupid this is. I mean, let’s face it, books are replaceable. Even 335 of them are. It’ll take a while if you don’t have insurance, but you get the idea. Still, for some inexplicable reason that’s always what I’m coming down to in that dream: I know everyone else is out. I know my pets are out. There’s just me and all my stuff that I’m attached to and yes among all that my books definitely have priority. So there’s me having had this dream dozens of times and it always comes down to exactly the same thing: there’s me of whatever age I’m currently am, in whatever house I’m currently living, throwing books into whatever random bag is currently handy. Sometimes I still get out, but most of the time this is pretty much the moment that I’m waking up, being all angsty and usually pretty worked up about it. But hey, in the end it all didn’t happen and everything’s fine, right?

Well, tonight I didn’t wake up, because that’s exactly what fucking happened.

Stephen and me were at home watching Torchwood (eh no pun intended…) and I just keep smelling smoke. I’m getting kinda nervous, but Stephen tells me that this always happens when the heater kicks on. So at first that’s all okay, but then there’s more and more smoke filling our apartment and for whatever reason the smoke detectors that previously worked just fine whenever I was using the stove to cook didn’t go off at all.

Next thing that happens is our internet dying and we’re just on our way upstairs to check the router when someone knocks on our door (we live in the basement half of the house) and he tells us that he’s seen smoke coming from the top of our house. So Stephen and me go upstairs and open the door and everything is filled with thick smoke. I couldn’t even see a yard into the kitchen, because there just was this wall of smoke. We went in a little further (yes, we’re stupid), shouting to see if anybody was home. Once through the kitchen we saw scorch marks on the door to our landlady’s bedroom, but by then I’d already dialed 911 to call the fire department, which was fortunately right across the street so they sent someone over immediately.

Just for the record, Stephen went for the cats (we found Nazca faster than Rini) and I went for my laptop. Seriously, in situation like that your brain just starts fucking up on you and you start thinking in weird terms. Stupidly obsessed writer that I am I just thought that I couldn’t possibly lose my writing in this. Anything else, but that. Pretty sad, huh?

Anyway, we weren’t even quite out yet and I was trying to get a hold of our landlady. She had just told me in the morning that she was going to spend the day out at an amusement park with her son and family, but I had no clue if she had come home again or not. I think I got a hold of her brother at the fifth or sixth attempt to get through to her cellphone and yes, I probably sounded a little hysteric, but I was so glad when he told me that everybody was with him and nobody had been upstairs. Even Timber, her Husky was outside and howling quite pitifully, but he was fine.

By now the count is like five firetrucks, two police cars and an ambulance and the fire men are going in with gasmasks and all the equipment. Oh and this is also the point when I realize that we have a bunch of anxious neighbors, but they were all really nice and helpful. So for the next hour or two we’re just outside standing there, watching the fire dept. do their job, talking to the police etc. It turns out that our landlady’s sister had left a candlewarmer lamp on that probably caused the fire. Apparently her room was pretty much destroyed by the fire and nobody was allowed to go in upstairs because of all the smoke and the carbon monoxide levels being way too high.

After a while our landlady gets here with her family and the fire men took her in to assess the damage. I’m really happy for her that she’s been insured so they’ll be okay. We were all just really under shook and frankly I’m pretty good at sounding calm and practical when I’m talking to the police and the fire department, but it’s the in-between time when my stupid head shifts into mindfuck gear and no panic attacks, even the little silent ones, are really not fun.

In the end we were allowed back in and inspected our apartment together with a fire man who tested our smoke detectors and everything. Aside from a leak in the ceiling where they extinguished the fire upstairs, nothing of our stuff got damaged and you’ll think this really stupid, but I can’t describe who relieved I felt when all our stuff – and all my books – were still there, still okay and totally not burned. They told us that the only thing that saved the house was the fact that our landlady had kept all the doors closed upstairs. Otherwise…well you get the idea.

In the end I’m just glad that everybody – apart from their chinchilla that was in a cage in her sister’s room and died of the smoke – is okay and that we’ll get everything checked out by the electric company tomorrow. We were allowed to sleep downstairs, but upstairs will take at while to get back to a normal CO level etc. In the end we decided to sleep at the in-laws’ because the carbon monoxide concentration in our apartment was still kinda iffy and it just has to air out for now. Our landlady is going to stay with her dad for a while and will contact her insurance tomorrow to have it all taken care of.

Oh and to complete our literally bright evening we got pulled over by the police on the way home because our tail-light was about to go out, but they’d heard what was going on and let off easy as long as we get it fixed. Talk about Murphy’s Law, people!

Anyway, we’re all showered and the cats have calmed down a little. I’m still kinda shaky and pretty scratched up, because Nazca really freaked out in the car, but I’ve had a Rockstar Coffee+Energy thing (in lieu of a good ol’ shot of something strong and very alcoholic :p ) and we’re okay. My brain is still enjoying itself playing mindfuck and ‘what if’ games with me, but we’re fine and nobody got hurt.

Just one thing I’ve learned tonight again and I’ve had it before about people getting into accidents etc: but whatever they tell you, Clairvoyance is fucking real. No kidding there. Damn.

Oh man.

I sure hate being the only mentally capable person in this godsdamned office.


And if I happen to miss something as well, we end up with all of our processing checks sent out – without my boss’ signature. Is it really so hard to just go ahead and sign those godsdamned checks right away when they come out of the printer? Is it REALLY?

Man, I need a drink some reeeeeeally strong coffee.

Today’s so not my day.

Even though I had a random strike of brilliant ideas for Four. What was that about planning on writing at the office today? Yeah. Forget it.

Weekend, people. I need WEEKEND. Now.