I guess we can book reading through the entire (!) Twilight saga under the same weird, masochistic compulsion that made me read through books like the Bible, the Book of Mormon, Goodkind & Co. – yes by now I do severely doubt my mental health, but hey, at least I know what I’m ranting about 😉
Like uh….a bestseller vampire saga that is mainly built up on ruses (Oh, yeah just kidding, there never ever WAS any actual danger, don’t want to get the tender-hearted reader all worried and worked up, right?). But seriously, I don’t remember when I’ve last read a fantasy series so entirely made up of bad dei ex machinae as Twilight was. Raising the stakes? Oh yes, sure. We’re all angsty and emotional but in the end: oh no worries, we didn’t mean it/it wasn’t like you thought it would be? Er…honestly the ‘are you FUCKING kidding me?’ definition of deus ex machina applies in full color here. Makes me wonder if the author thought her readers really that gullible (er…just a hint, but just because you’re writing a YA novel doesn’t mean it’s gotta be all ‘happily ever after – no harm done’).
Yeah, I know, I know. Apparently I’m a Death Chooser among all my merry little Life-Choosing fellow Mormons uh… Americans who love the books as light, entertaining reads, but honestly people! Girl meets boy, boy is kinda creepy, but absolutely dazzling and bedazzles girl into marrying him, because he’s all her life’s based on and they have a kid and live happily ever after? Don’t you think this is just a little teeeeeny bit outdated?
I mean yeah, at times that whole teenage pregnancy thing had definite streaks of Alien…but really in the end everything’s okay and they get their happily ever after…. Now I’m not a hater of happy endings in general, but the way all of the books have been totally tuned and set up on that makes me cringe. Sure, there are some cool ideas behind it (after all there has to be something that keeps you going through 754 pages of a book that should have been half as long at best), but in the end the poor execution and utter lack of originality paired with utterly wimpy characters is nothing but an ultimate turnoff.
In the end I can only say that I’ve been tremendously entertained updating my mental checklist as to what not to do when writing a novel (like suddenly popping in a second first person character in the epilogue of book three and then for a good part of book four after you base your entire narrative on one first-person PoV – errrr…what was that about consistence?)
*sigh* anway, rant done (for now)
Did I mention that Jen had me pick up L. J. Smith’s The Vampire Diaries to fuel more rants about comparing those to Twilight and find out all the things that have been ‘adapted’ from those books? Yeah, helpless masochist, what can I say?
Need to read something that’s actually worth the time now 😉
P.S.: Man, I can’t believe I forgot to mention that, but I’ll quote Sira on that – Yes, I “survived the bit where the werewolf dude falls in destined love ™ with his love interest’s infant child” – paedophilia? Oh nooooo it’s not LIKE that. Of course. What am I thinking? Tsk tsk!